There comes a time in one’s life when one simply becomes too much for one’s own self, so one’s self must divide into multiple Ones in order to cope with one’s inner lack of oneness.
And if you’re still reading, then you’re either a) really bored, b) pretending you’re so intelligent and philosophical that the above sentence actually made sense, or c) other: [please specify].
Either which way.
Hello! We are Ham and Potatoes, in case you missed those big letters at the top of this page. You know, the ones that say “Ham and Potatoes.” Yeah. Those ones. Right there. Uh-huh. Yeah, you got ’em. And as we are of the opinion that there is no such thing as a good first post on a blog (you know, one that will inspire the masses and cause hundreds and thousands of subscribers to flock to our blog), we have decided to go for what is likely the most cliched and boring first just to get it over with: The Introduction Post.
I’ll begin. I am Hammlington, the Ham of this blog. I am the public face of the creature that is Me, so if we ever meet outside the Internet, you’re probably speaking to me, Hammlington. I’m the one that nods politely to you in the checkout at Wal-Mart and holds doors open for little old ladies.
Next, I must introduce the Viscount. (Literally “must” — he’s disgruntled enough that I didn’t mention him first.) The Viscount Sedgewick Alfonso Tweedle the Sixth of the small principality Maven Bombastion is extremely imperious and supercilious, and rather prone to spasmodic bouts of excessively verbose and magniloquent circumlocutory. (He’s arrogant and uses many big words to say a whole lot of nothing.)
Similar to the Viscount is Dr. Michael Czerniewski. Don’t pay any mind to anything he says, because if it makes sense, chances are you’re either insane, Enlightened, or in desperate need of some new eye glasses.
Then there’s Clarissa. She’s basically your typical cliched artist, minus the i’m-so-depressed-and-misunderstood-i’m-gonna-hack-off-my-own-earlobe aspect and added an unhealthy dose of sickening optimism. She’s a dreamer, is easily distracted, and tends to sketch and write poetry in her time that may or may not be free. Clarissa also has a rather unsettling obsession with the sky.
There are seven of us, hence, why one of us is named Seven. (It makes sense. No, really.) Seven disregards human’s frail attachment to identifying labels (otherwise known as names) as childish and not conducive to an actively productive environment. The rest of us usually ignore Seven.
And as a disclaimer, I’m pretty sure there’s some sort of scientific study proving that every single sentient being on Earth has an inner Fable. There’s no other explanation, because the rest of Me is completely normal. Fable’s just a little…different. And obsessive. But she’s a sweetheart, deep down. Honest.
And the final Potato to be brought to center stage is J. Watson. J. Watson is just a tad bit reclusive, and maybe a lot antisocial, though he/she/it prefers to think of it as “mysterious anonymity”. J. Watson is a writer. Enough said.
Anyhow. We are delighted to have you on board for this adventure called blogging! We aren’t entirely certain what we’ll be blogging, nor how often we’ll post, but you can be guaranteed it will probably maybe be interesting, and is more than likely to be humorous.
TL;DR: Ham and Potatoes takes “talking to myself” to a whole new level.